Much has been said about the invasion of US online retailer Amazon.
“We forecast the giant taking a $12B bite out of Australia's retail pie” said a Martin Place banker still sporting Thursday night's white moustache.
"The company is worth more than plebs like Wesfarmers, Woolworths, JB Hi Fi, Myer and Super Cheap — combined ."
Furthermore, unlike some things in the Australian economy, Amazon sales are booming.
The Source of Our Doom?
None other than Jeff Bezos, founder, Chairman and CEO of Amazon.com.
HOWEVER, similar to Netflix and Uber, we love the increased choice and range of service he brings you.
Amazon is all about the customer - and we appreciate that.
Throw in a bit of philanthropy as well, and Bezos becomes even harder to hate.
And we hate that we can't exactly hate him.
MR. KOYA, will challenge the incoming online invasion with fire and fury.
HOW? By keeping our customers happier than they’ve ever been when they buy online.
Our secret weapon? The FAQ Master 3000 – a cybernetic organism designed to answer our customers frequently asked questions.
Created in a New York discotheque, the FAQ Master 3000 was brought to life in the 1980s.
Formed using two floppy discs, a 1976 circuit board, and Mao-era Chinese newspapers - the 3000 was born to consistently deliver customer care.
He’s all about you folks, just look at him:
Unfortunately the 80s were a rough time to party, and Vanilla Ice meant the 90s only got worse.
Psychologists says the emotional toll from combining all-night benders with customer queries can be long lasting.
Especially true when dealing with questions such as:
- How do I contact you? I have strong opinions, a foul mouth, and enjoy contacting companies to tell them exactly what’s on my mind.
- My Gimp tires easily. What can I do to pep him up?
Something's in life were never meant to be simple.
The 3000 now spends mornings at a Paddington RSL Club, yelling at pokies while hurling abuse at anyone under the age of 42.
Despite this, he still remains a testament to customer delight.
His love for service means that Men who strive to look confident in a stylish button-down, will always experience MR. KOYA’s principles of free shipping, free returns, and remarkable service.
In that vein we say: watch out Bezos, and watch out Amazon.
The FAQ Master 3000 still reigns supreme.